Now usually I don't pay any attention cell phone conversations other than my own. In part because as soon as I step out of my building, I am inundated by a gajillion university students each with a cell phone to his/her ear. But I was reading a web blog yesterday and the author had written down some snippets of conversations she had been privy to. I thought that sounded pretty funny and thought I would give it a try.

I got back from lunch late today (story to follow) and so I didn't have to deal with as many students as usual. Here is the one sentence I heard in passing, "Whhooooooo. (pause) I don't even like Dr. Pepper!

Heheheheheh. Give it a try and let me know what you hear. Everything is pretty funny taken out of context, don't ya think?

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The day started off innocently enough.

I announced at work yesterday that I would be in late today because this certain store (Wall's) was starting a sale this morning and I was going to be there when the doors opened at nine. They had power washers on sale and (coincidence!) I had been thisclose to buying one the other day at a different store. The last time I wanted something from Wall's, I waited until after work to go and they were sold out. I wasn't falling for that again!

The morning started off pretty well. I went to the bank and cashed a couple of checks. Went to a grocery store and bought some wet wipes for Chris' class, cinnamon rolls, and a Coca-Cola with lime (don't bother). Took Chris to school and hung out there for about 30 minutes talking to the teachers and hanging with the kids. At one point, Chris leans in close and says, "Mom, will you eat lunch with me today? Please?" Sure. I had the teacher put me in the headcount for today. Steak fingers or a hamburger? Fingers please. Then I left for the store.

It went quickly down hill.

I got there a few minutes before nine and THE DOORS WERE ALREADY OPEN! Noooooooooo! I grabbed a cart and headed toward the tools. It took me a minute to find the washers and then when I tried to hoist one, I just about strained an ovary. Heavy? Why yes, thanks. Then I picked up four of those little butane lighters you use to light candles, the fireplace, or your gas grill the very next day after you buy it 'cause your sparker thing quit working.

Then I saw those resin patio tables and had to have a couple. And heck, throw in four of those chairs that fold up into its little carrying case. That should do it.

I check out and the little helper kid carts my stuff out to the car where we proceed to not get the tables to fit. Back seat folded down. Lots of room. You would think. The tables were about an inch too wide! Crap. I get the other stuff loaded. Go back into the store so they can copy my receipt and put the tables back until I can pick them up later. I call the hubby and tell him I am coming to switch vehicles with him. We meet at his work, throw stuff from the Stratus (mine) into the Element (his) and off I go back to the store.

Helper boy brings the tables to the Element and then stood and gawked at the back seats (they lay flat and fold up against the sides so they are out of the way). And I mean gawked. He just stood there catching flies.

Whew. End of part one.

I go to eat lunch with Chris and ended up staying at school being helper girl. I mean Super Mom!

After we eat, Chris' teacher (Mrs. S) asks me if I could go with the girls to the restroom while she waited for the boys. Okay.

I'm down to two in the stalls and one waiting when Mrs. S comes in and tells me she would take the others to class if I would wait with the three who are left. Okay.

The two come out of the stalls and the last girl goes in. And from the sounds she was making, she wasn't just doing #1. We wait. And wait. And wait. The other two are getting restless (wheee...restless five year olds) and I end up having to give them a talkin' to. Finally I tell pooper girl to squeeze it off and she could finish in the bathroom in the classroom. (Okay, I didn't really say "squeeze it off", but good lord that child took a long time.) She finally finished and went to wash her hands. But first, "I snapped my pants by myself!" Woohoo. Wash your hands. "Look! I got the soap by myself!" Great. Wash your hands. (time passes) I think that's good, dry them off. One, two, three paper towels later, we are good to go. Wait, where is she? Ah, getting *another* paper towel 'cause they weren't *quite* dry enough. Then the first two practically run back to the classroom as I'm trying not to yell "Slow your happy asses down!"

We get back to the classroom and Mrs. S asks me if I wouldn't mind taking one of the girls to the office so she could take her breathing treatment. Okay.

That part wound up being not to bad 'cause she had the nebulizer tube stuck in her mouth. I sat beside her on the nurse's cot and we looked at some picture books while she breathed. She finished and we went back to the classroom. I told Chris I would stay for a bit. (HA!)

The person who was supposed to be reading to them for "Read Across America" day didn't show up! Mrs. S asked if I would stay and read to them. Okay.

I read a book. Still no reader. I read another book. *Still* no reader. I read another book. STILL no reader. But hey, I'm Super Mom. It is my job to step in when people are in a lurch. I got brain kisses and pats on the back for helping out. Plus, when I explained why I was late back to work, I didn't even get the riot act.

By the way, if you have little ones, I recommend the book "Caps for Sale" by Esphyr Slobodkina (no, really). As one reviewer on Amazon said...

"A very simple case study of an entrepreneur who hoped to make the Fortune 500 by vending colored headgear.

Although carefully balancing his inventory, he was still caught napping by unscrupulous bandits, and had to resort to trickery to get his investment returned.

This elementary lesson teaches the young student several things:

1. You can't sell caps at 50 cents without drawing attention to yourself.

2. Don't ever fall asleep on the job.

3. Don't monkey around in your business dealings.

4. Losing your temper can be a good thing, once it gets the desired results.

5. Returned goods can still be sold for full price if properly displayed.

A useful learning tool for the budding CEO in your family."

It is an excellent book. The kids knew the lines and we acted them out. I may have to buy it for myself.

Happy Read Across America Day!